Miry’s List

Ezra Butler
5 min readFeb 1, 2017

This past week, my friend Miry Whitehill-Ben Atar threw her sons Sabo and Reuben a first and fourth birthday party, respectively, dealt with the sudden death of her 4 year old black Labrador Jackie, helped find a family of Iranian refugees a home in Northern California, and made sure that ten new refugee families from Syria, Iran and Egypt now living in Southern California had much needed household basics.

Miry is a total badass mom. She dramatically dropped out of the workforce almost two and a half years ago when she realized that she was missing the most important years of her son’s life. Previously, she had been a rising star in the online advertising world, specifically focusing on video seeding. She had the knack of understanding exactly how to, using YouTube and other methods, get hundreds of thousands or millions of viewers to watch her clients’ content.

When she moved into Eagle Rock as a first-time homeowner, she also decided that she would become involved in the community. She attended block watch meetings with neighbors and local law enforcement, and before not long was officially elected the unofficial mayor of Hazelwood Avenue. Two years ago, Miry learned that the current Treasurer of the Eagle Rock Neighborhood Council was stepping down due to potential conflicts of interest with her day job, so she stepped up, threw her proverbial hat into the ring, and won an internal election.

Suddenly, Miry was responsible for the $37,000 budget which every one of more than 90 neighborhood councils in Los Angeles receive annually for everything from neighborhood improvement projects to non-profit grants to events. When the next election came around, while no one opposed her for the position, she still won with a landslide of support. She got involved because she cared about this growing community in East Los Angeles, not for the glamour and the spotlight.

One day, one of her fellow Neighborhood Council members mentioned to her that a newly arrived family of Syrian refugees were looking for a Jumperoo for the five month old son. Miry went onto a Facebook group of almost 20,000 moms in Los Angeles and within an hour had a donated Jumperoo in the trunk of her Mom Mobile. Her friend looked stunned at her efficiency, but told her that her church group who had sponsored these refugees through a charity was very particular about giving donations, and they would have to wait until the weekend to meet the family to give them the Jumperoo. The weekend arrived and as Miry walked through their apartment, she noticed that they had a crib but not mattress. At that time, Miry’s second son Sabo was also five months old. She was shocked and dismayed. She saw that the apartment was missing basic living essentials. Upon speaking with the husband, she learned that he had been a journalist in Syria, but lacked a computer where he could practice his craft.

Miry rushed home and grabbed the extra crib mattress in her storage space and posted a list on Facebook of things she wanted to give to the family to help better acclimate to living in the United States. She jumped back in her car to deliver the much-needed mattress, when her friend from the Council called her and told her to take down the list. The friend explained that the view of the charity was that they wanted to foster independence in the refugees and therefore did not want to give them every little thing they would need.

It goes without saying that these refugees had just spent painful years in a refugee camp in Jordan awaiting permission to emigrate to the United States; a camp where they had almost nothing. This was before the election. This was before any anti-Muslim travel ban.

I’ve known Miry since 2008, and I can honestly say that she doesn’t listen to people who tell her what she can or cannot do. She could not fathom that a baby did not have a mattress to sleep on. She could not accept that some charity was going to tell her that she could not give some basic living essentials to a family of human beings with whom she bonded.

In that moment, Miry went rogue and dropped off the mattress. Within days, every item on the list, including the laptop, was donated (either via Amazon deliveries or personal drop-offs to Miry’s house). She stuffed everything into her Mom Mobile and dropped it off to a very grateful family.

She was shocked how easy it was to help out a family, so she went online to find out other families in similar circumstances. She connected with a charity who directed her to a Palestinian family who sought asylum from Gaza two years earlier, but the father still had not received working papers to legally work in the States. Their apartment was bare, as well.

Back to Facebook Miry went, but this time, she opened a Facebook page called Miry’s List to be the center for all the requests. Again, within days she loaded her Mom Mobile with the desperately needed essentials (including the requisite toys for the children).

A few months later, Miry learned of three refugee families from Syria in San Diego who needed some assistance. With the help of Google Translate, she created a list, got a van donated and within a week transported nearly 30 bags of needed clothes, toys, household supplies and myriad other objects. She put her toddler son Reuben to work. He was in charge of packing the toys, because he couldn’t understand that there were other children his age who didn’t have any toys.

While in San Diego she met Jahna, a young girl who wants to be an oncologist and cure cancer when she grows up, and Layla, who wants to be the first Syrian-American woman to serve as a Justice on the Supreme Court. Another time, she met Sameer, a boy who was fascinated by her DSLR camera and discovered that he loved capturing moments.

It’s been a half year since Miry quietly began her list, and they have helped more than 40 refugee families so far. Some of the families have children with special needs. Others have more than five children and no job.

Most speak almost no English, have no transportation and many don’t even have a mobile phone when she first meets them. She listens to them talk about their life until now, and with a breaking voice and a tear in her eye, tells them that everything will be alright now. She repeats it. She makes sure that it’s translated into Arabic or Farsi so the other family members will know. She holds their hand. She makes each member of every refugee family she meets understand that they are not alone.

Miry isn’t working alone with Reuben anymore. She has nearly 1200 fans on her Miry’s List Facebook page and a small army of volunteer translators and list-makers helping. Yesterday, one new family’s list on Amazon was filled within hours. And, like clockwork, another three families needed help.

Like Miry’s List on Facebook and go to MirysList.org and check in daily to see if there is anything you can donate. All items go to refugee families in need of a little more help in acclimating. Tax-deductible receipts are available for donations of goods valued $250 and up.

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Ezra Butler

Me: Do you know *nothing* about me? Him: I prefer to think of you like a great painting. Detailed provenance just muddies the effect.